Finals Are Coming

I couldn't resist. I'm a Throner. I haven't read the books yet. I really, really need to do that. Yet another thing on my To-Do list.

I had a Spanish test today. Started studying for it today, too. In my defense, I found out about the test yesterday. I'm hoping to score over a 79% and pass the class with a 95%. Then I remember there's a final. Of course.

On the bright side, I only have one more math test left if all goes well.

Our school's first softball game of the season was just an hour ago. We won! 18-5. I played 2nd base- something that I only did once ever... In the third grade. I was nervous and stressed out as usual, but all went pretty well. I was quite happy.

If I could locate my camera, I would be making lots of Youtube videos, especially with my NEW GUITAR. It's beautiful. Yet, alas, my camera is no where to be found.

School ends in 6.5 days, and one, maybe two days, I won't be there.

So, the clock ticks, as my one Spanish final, one math test, one English test, one biology test, and one band lesson draw nearer and nearer.


Adieu!

~Em

Lesson Learned (Maybe)

Lots of you probably know what unrequited love feels like. And, if you don't, at one point in your life, you will. I promise.

Somewhere on Tumblr

Unrequited love feels like someone twisting your heart while bashing you head against a wall. By far, it is the worst state I have ever been in in my short history. Every I saw him, I wanted to kiss the crap out of him while at the same time punch him and myself repeatedly. Needless to say, I was confused.

To freshman me, this senior guy was a fucking god. Tall, handsome, smart, kind... Everything I had ever hoped for. In about November/December of my Freshman year, my band director comes up to me and starts talking about this senior guy whom I had really never noticed. Boom. Suddenly, I was blinded by Mr. Intelligent Hotness. Somehow, Mr. Intelligent Hotness and I started talking. Everyday. For about a month. Mr. Intelligent Hotness soon became Mr. Intelligent Perfect. Everything was there – the 3 AM conversations, the goodnights and good mornings... The only thing missing was my ability to speak to people. He went to prom with another girl, and I cried the entire weekend. Shut up. I was a freshman.

Somewhere in there, I told him I really, really like him. And he said the same. It is here that I learned my first lesson. Don't be afraid to tell someone you like them.

This guy and I went on some.... Dates? I don't even know if they count as dates, I mean once I played video games at his house, the other time he took me to Titanic, and I paid for myself.

In May of that year, I needed to figure things out, so I wrote a novel now titled Loving Amelia Perfect about this relationship.

That fall, he went off to college... And then nothing. I shrugged it off, I mean, it's college. New people, new city, new classes. Awkward conversation here. Awkward conversation there. He got a girlfriend... Broke up with her... Came back to small hicktown every once in a while... All this time, I was feeling worse about myself because, of course, I blamed all of this on my inability to hold a conversation face to face with the guy. I was depressed and sad and tired of everything.

I can't just be friends with him. And it sucks.

The last weekend, he chaperoned the school's band trip. I was slightly terrified of how things would go, so of course, I did my best to ignore him and attract his attention for the first day. This worked pretty well. And, it should, because I'm a pro at it. The next day was the same story. I knew sort of how things would end up because of past experience, and put myself through it anyway. About halfway through the day, he joined my little theme park group. Everything actually went okay, but he was attached to this one girl all day. Okay, fine. I was a little jealous, but it's his life. He can talk to who ever he wants.

Lesson Two) Boys are assholes.

On the bus ride home, I was hit with the full reality of what my friends were saying to me. This guy, this "perfect" guy, was most definitely a player. Had been for a long time. I'd known it, too. But, I thought that I knew him better than other people. I thought that I could see the good, the sweetness behind him. Sure, maybe I did. There's just not enough.

Lesson Three) People aren't understandable. Ever.

Needless to say, I was pissed. Mostly at myself. It's not his fault. What kind of asshole leads a girl on and then runs away without explanation? I mean seriously! But still, some of the fault is mine for not realizing this sooner and putting myself through so much pain. So, that night, after a loooonnnggg bus ride and rage coursing through my body, I decided to put an end to it all. I.... Unfriended him on Facebook and deleted his number. That right. What now? Cliche, cliche, cliche.

Lesson Four) People grow apart. One crush leaving is not the end of the world.

Part of me won't ever get over him. It was the first time I ever felt something that strongly. I'm still going to be nice to him, and talk to him when he talks to me... But it just won't be the same. Guess I have to find another back up prom date. Anyone available?

Lesson Five) Become friends with guys in middle school so you can have a prom date.

Lesson Five and a Half) Don't post this post anywhere the person the post is about might see it.

Lesson Five and Three Quarters) On second thought, let him see. I want to know what he thinks.

A year and a half later, and I'm over him.

Finally.

Thanks for sticking around.

~Em

Es lo que es.

The Spectacular Suck-ism of School

I hate school. I love learning, but I hate school.

School is where you have facts crammed down you're throat which you are expected to keep there until the very last possible second. After that, you are free to throw it up on a piece of paper and never speak of it again.

Learning is exploring; The gaining of knowledge that will stick with you forever. It's like superglue. It's never going to go away.

School is where you are forced to sit for 7 hours a day and pay attention (And let's face it. No one ever pays attention). And then on top of that there is 2 hours of homework every night. 9 hours x 180 days (the average school year)= 1620 hours. Add in sports and the number rises to about 2000 hours. So, 1620 hours is about 68 days. Doesn't seem bad, right? Wrong. Because of the lack of stimulation in most public schools, most students go home and do more of what they have been doing all day- nothing. These nothings would include but are not limited to video games, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, T.V., ect. All this time in school is wasted. All for what? Another American to sit on the couch doing nothing?

Learning, however, happens 24 hours, 7 days a week, year round. Yet, it hardly takes up any time... Or at least it doesn't feel like it takes up time because humans are so damn good at it. That's how we made it this far! The brain is constantly gathering information, storing and discarding it. It decides what is important and what is not according to how a person thinks by the way they were raised and their peers' values. The majority of things taught in school (Like what a simile is or how to solve permutations) goes in the brain's discard pile after it is no longer needed to, say, pass a test. The ideas, actions, and thoughts that interest the brain and have a chance of helping in the future go in the storage pile. Will you ever need to know the formula for salt in a life or death situation? Maybe. Probably? No. Therefore, the brain would probably throw this out.

*****

It's the last quarter of school, so the principal is trying to figure out our schedules for next year. The sophomores had to have a 40 minute meeting with the principal because there are over 35 people who want to take Adv. Bio and Chemistry next year. This is more than ever before in the history of ever. I go to a relatively small school. There are just over 300 people in the high school, so scheduling is a bit tight. I was one of the few to volunteer to split my classes between my junior and senior years. Everyone one wants to get all of their hard classes out of the way junior year so they can slack off senior year. Typical. I, however, want to get as many classes in as I can in the 2 years I have left. I probably won't get them all, but I think I'll get most of them. I sort of regret taking a free period this semester, but I don't think there were any classes I could fill it with. 

Sophomore year sucks hardcore. I have the most boring classes in the entire world. I start the day out with English. My teacher could make an OCD person cry with happiness. Everything is labelled and organized. This is about the exact opposite from last year. And I loath it. I am a creative writer. Very little structure when it comes to me and the English language. Spontaneousness and chaos is the nectar of inspiration. Structure makes me want to shoot myself when it comes to English. On the other hand, I have to have structure and order in the Mathematics department. There needs to me a plan and a pattern. The right and left hemispheres of my brain need to get their crap together and not be so moody. As for science, I really wish I was in S's class and not D's. It's really, really, really, really, really easy to get off topic in D's class. We never get anything done, I'm re"learning" everything I've ever been taught in Biology, and it's a huge waste of my time. I say "learning" because all we do are fill-in-the-blank notes. My last class is Spanish. Nuff said. 

Saturday is Small Group Band Contest. I'm preforming a duet I wrote myself. Wish me luck!

~Em